Nobody said how hard senior year would be. I heard junior year would be awful but the awfulness never surfaced, and I thought wow, made it out alive. In senior year, right from the get-go I have had many sleepless nights. The college application process is stressful on its own, but throw in a fall sport AND school, well it’s enough to rack up serious retail therapy. I’m the mother of a senior, not the senior, which makes this whole scenario more ridiculous.
I know it’s my child’s journey, but it’s so painful to see him almost comatose because of a mountain of demands that could cripple any adult. I do what I can to relieve stress. I removed his household responsibilities, but that’s just a blip. He’s not going to give up his last year of football, the thing he loves most right now. Quitting school or skipping homework isn’t really an option either. The only thing we can modify is the college application process. How about a “good enough” essay?
I’ve written tons of essays and barely been published anywhere. There are tons of writers with the same issues. We are pretty good, some even excellent at our craft. We take class after class to be better writers to tell better stories. And we are rejected far more than we are accepted. On college applications, I’m shocked at what is expected to go into the perfect essay for a seventeen-year-old with very little life perspective let alone most excellent writing skills. Hence, relaxing the expectation.
I hate to be sexist here, but girls tell stories differently from boys. Just ask a girl what happened at prom then ask a boy the same question. A girl will give you enough information to last a car ride from San Francisco to Los Angeles, with traffic. She will tell you every detail and her feelings about it all. A boy, well he will tell you just enough to make it out of your driveway. I ask my sons how their day went and I get, “Fine.” I ask if the new sandwich I made him for lunch was good and I get, “Fine.” Wow, and my son is supposed to turn his “fine” observations into a 500-word essay?
Now throw in the fact we’ve taught our kids from day one to not brag about their successes. It’s unsportsmanlike on the field and pompous in the classroom. One of the statements my son made about writing this essay is how hard it is to talk about his greatness without coming off like a “d*&%.” It’s a fine balance between describing a winner and down playing the successes so much he sounds like a loser.
After attending many writing classes and author book talks, I’ve learned there are more ways than one to write an essay or a book. Some writers like outlines and some don’t. I personally hate outlines. I want my creation to unfold as I go. I get so many surprise thoughts that way, my favorite part. My husband prefers outlines but he’s an engineer. I’ve also learned some writers love the personal essay and others prefer fiction. My son was so relieved to know it was ok to be in the fiction camp. He actually is a good writer. Unfortunately, this talent only made his situation with the personal essay a greater uphill battle. Good thing “resilience” and “steadfast” are some of his standout characteristics.
Since we already had some practice runs about what makes my kid special, we narrowed down his shining quality and how best to illustrate it. The essay improved at each sitting, just like with my writing. He got to the point where the deadline loomed; he had to stop. The essay was good enough and it was HIS. He tells a great story but he’s never, ever going to come up with an ‘aha’ to knock anyone’s socks off; maybe when he’s old as that’s when we have our greatest wisdom right? Honestly, the NYT has tons of essays and it’s not like there is the big reveal at the end to make a reader feel like they just learned the secret to life. They are simple life lessons or understandings told eloquently.
As soon as we, me really, adjusted the expectation, the stress went down and I could sleep through the night, most of the time. I know my son will go to school somewhere. He will find a place where he discovers himself and grows into a more complete, wiser version of the person he is meant to be, maybe a fictional writer.
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Girlfriend I feel your pain! If it makes you feel any better I have never yelled, swore or drank so much in my entire life!!!
LOL! Sometimes I wonder if college essays area a way to decrease applications, as in “don’t come here unless you really want to and we are going to make it painful.”
LOL! I tell ya, there should be a National End of College Apps Day! I know a few moms who all want to celebrate BIG when this is all done.
I never thought I’d be telling my kids “done is better than perfect,” but with so much piling on (even in middle school) it’s a good survival strategy to learn. Great post!
Sometimes you have to cut your losses. And really, what is that extra effort and stress going to get you? I’m glad the post was relevant to the ones not yet on the college application track. Thanks Jen!
There’s something to be said for a teenage boy not having too many life experiences to draw from! Hang I there.
Now that’s an excellent way to look at it. Yes, three more weeks and six more essays to go….
How about we start a change.org to ban college essays??!!!
Now there is an idea! The whole process has gotten out of hand!
OMG! Genius! Maybe after he’s accepted.;-)
Great post Francie! Curious what colleges he is interested in…really enjoyed your college tour posts/ series. Perhaps he should focus in on Cal Poly…NO ESSAY!! Hahaha, when we took a tour there over the summer every kid in the room applauded when the admissions counselor highlighted that fact:) Good luck with the whole process. It’s not easy, whether your the student or the parent!!
Hi Leslie! We are looking forward to that Cal Poly application…the way it should be for college applicants! TJ is actually applying at most of the schools we toured, Oregon, Washington and Puget Sound. We are also adding Colorado, Cal Poly and a super reach, UCLA. Fingers crossed!
I love the analogy between a girl’s story and a boy’s!! Lol, “with traffic!”
It’s sooo true. Moms with boys KNOW this!
Excellentblog Francie
We agree whole heartedly
This whole college application process is over the top.
Thanks for sharing and providing humor.
We are living parrell lives!
We are all in this together….it’s rough out there!
I’m finding parents reading this post feel like they are getting therapy. Glad we have each other to commiserate.