Dear Pope Francis,

It’s been awhile since I last wrote to you. I follow your activities through the news and as always, enjoy your commentary on world controversy. Your one-liners really stop people in their tracks, like the latest one about “a punch in the nose for insulting your mother.” Not everyone liked it but you made your point about being careful crossing the line when making fun of religious beliefs. Mothers and God are deeply personal; I never looked at it that way. Both are very much woven into the fabric of every individual. If one of those threads is pulled, the fabric will unravel. Dang you are good.

Of course I am over the moon you are coming to the United States in September. I’m even more excited you are going to stop in on Congress. Wow! I can’t wait to hear what words of wisdom you will impart. No doubt you will find a way to get those people to reflect on their role in AMERICA and the WORLD and how to work TOGETHER for the GREATER GOOD. You know, guilt them into doing the right thing. I know not all of Congress is Catholic, but I think they will catch your drift.

That’s how my Catholic mother did it in our house. I will never forget the Sunday morning my mom peaked into my room to see if I was getting ready for church. I wanted to study for a test instead, as was evident by the blanket of notes spread across my bed and an open textbook. My mom didn’t command me to go; I was too old for that. Instead, she gently stated in a sing-songy, you’ll-be-sorry voice:

“You might need that little extra.” She didn’t wait for a reaction. She quietly closed the door and floated away in her airy pale blue housecoat like a messenger from God, an angel.

I have to say I’m pretty regular in my church attendance to this day. And forty years after the fact, those words and tone have never left me. Just an idea for you when you talk to all the big wigs in Washington; I bet you come up with a brilliant statement. Boy would I like to be a fly on the wall of Congress on that day.

I would be remiss if I didn’t say how disappointed I am California is not going to make it into your itinerary, not even San Francisco, OUR namesake. Remember, I’m a Frances and you are a Francis, our thing? It is also worth noting, one of your biggest fans resides in the Bay Area, ME. I don’t want to sound braggadocious, but I’ve been building up quite the collection of Pope Francis goodies, mostly from the Vatican. It seems anytime a friend visits Rome, they think of me and want me to have a papal memento. They get my admiration for you. I know I already told you this in another letter, but since I am not convinced it made it into your hands, it bears repeating. Do you have any other fans that have gone on the radio, twice, to talk about you? Journalists don’t count.

Like my mom, I won’t say anything more about skipping out on the west coast. I’ll just float away. In the meantime, check out the photo of my Pope Francis collection. Have you ever seen so many pictures of yourself in one place, not including your mother’s house? The only thing missing: A selfie of you and me, Frances and Francis, in San Francisco.

With love and admiration,

Frances

Pope Francis Collection

The Pope Francis collage contains the following:

•  Two Time Magazines. One I bought and the other from my older brother—the latter shocking but touching.
• Rolling Stone Magazine: An eighty-year-old friend told me about it! I got myself a copy.
• Autograph Pic from you and a letter on Vatican stationery sent by your buddy Pete.
• Ink Pen and journal from my friend Missy.
• Book Mark from my friend Molly.
• Postcard from my friend Yvonne. She said you wished me a safe recovery after my retinal detachment surgery. You rock!
• A Year of Pope Francis book from my friend Monica. She saw it in a Catholic bookstore and BAM! put us together.
• A pewter charm requesting us to pray for you. It’s embedded into a green plastic card with a photo of you giving a thumbs-up, my favorite picture of you. You look all lax and happy.  From my friend Sue and her husband.
• Mug from Philadelphia from my friend Teresa. I think Philly is ready for you, making bank on Pope Francis chotchkies while they wait for your arrival.
• An essay copied from the New York Times about how you call people randomly, opening the conversation with “Hey! It’s me.” This one is from my writing pal Elizabeth.
• MIA: A golden yellow refrigerator magnet I believe was carefully hidden away to make way for Christmas. I will find it when I’m looking for something else, like when I searched for your magnet but instead, found my checkbook, new Macy’s credit card, and pinking shears (Sorry Missy! I know it’s been a year.)
• Also MIA: Do you do t-shirts? A white lady’s fashion tee in something like “2016.  Vote for Pope Fran” as in the movie Napoleon Dynamite or “Pope Fran Rules Cool” in the black letter font: Helvetica Neue Ultra Light. I’m taking it on as my next fashion project.  Seriously.