I’ll let you in on a little secret: I’m not the best mom I know. In fact, when the guys were in preschool, I signed up for a seminar called something like, “Parenting that’s Good Enough.” Well, that was the perfect class for me so I could forgive myself for my imperfections. Ten years later, I’m still a work in progress. I’m learning more by the “hind sight is twenty-twenty” process or lots of books when I’m particularly baffled. And sometimes I just learn by telling my “whoas” to someone willing to listen and am surprised by their uncanny ability to see through the problem. And sometimes, it’s not the problem I think; it’s something entirely different.
I had one of those unexpected epiphanies, recently. It was a rare open-schedule day where I happily imagined my time spent crossing off items on the to-do list and not just adding to it. I prioritized my list in my head as I hurriedly went through the morning fire drill of breakfasts, lunches, drop-offs in 60 minutes or less. I am in the zone, working towards the light at the end of the tunnel.
“Mom. I don’t feel so good.” BLEEP! This cannot be happening. I am stopped in my tracks. My plans and enthusiasm tumble like a house of cards.
Now a Really Good Mom or RGM will drop everything to test the head for fever, maybe bust out a thermometer for exactness. “Where does it hurt?” “Should I make chicken noodle soup?” And then an immediate, “You better stay home. I’ll be right at your side.” And then she will cancel all her appointments. The imperfect mom, or the Good Enough Mom or GEM contemplates a bit before throwing in the towel. That’s me, a bona fide GEM (the irony.)
“Are you sure?” I know I’m grasping at straws but I must assess the situation from every angle. There’s got to be a loophole, some sign he is school-worthy. Besides the medical questions like “What hurts?” “Are you feverish?” “Do you want breakfast?” I feel compelled to let him know how this illness works into my schedule, as if this could change things. “Well, I reallydo have to go to the store. We need food. And I have an appointment, that’s really tough to change.” “Oh, AND I have a meeting. Today is not the best day.” In the “zone,” this sounds really important, almost pressing.
Darn it! He doesn’t want to eat. He looks haggard. Outside of coughing the lungs out, loss of appetite is a huge indicator of ill health. Something is running rampant in the sixth-grade class so I guess it’s just our turn. I’ll have to improvise, compromise doesn’t even enter my mind.
GEM relents but sets a few ground rules since the patient is not deathly ill and we will be sharing the same sacred space, marked for moms from 8:30 to 2:30. I’m not a TV person, so I’ve got to start there. The TV is in the family room and the sound can permeate the house. I know I can’t take it for six hours straight or even thirty minutes. I know Xbox will be the other go-to sick ward. The small vein of RGM won’t let the patient park there for six hours either.
I decide to throw the book at him, almost literally. “Look, I can’t take the TV being on all day and I don’t think Xbox is a good thing either. How about reading?’ Surprisingly he agrees. I let him know I still need to keep my schedule, but I’ll be in and out to check on things. He can have his screen time while I’m out, a win-win situation. Problem solved.
I dash out for groceries and return in about an hour. I make us chicken noodle soup and toasted chicken sandwiches, a flu-food menu. Good enough, I thought. Then his strategic thinking kicks in and he asks if we could watch “Glee” together. He really wanted to watch TV and was trying to include me so I could get what I like and he could get what he wanted. Hmmm. He’s not too sick after all. GEM goes into the mom rant, “I’m sorry buddy. This is my job even though I don’t get paid. I have things to do while you are at school.” He slumps away.
I leave again for my appointment, short but beauty related and a must as it was booked seven weeks ago and it’s tough to reschedule, like the flu. I told the technician about my under-the-weather son and him wanting to watch “GLEE” with me. “Imagine. Silly guy.” I expected immediate validation, a little chuckle of understanding for me and my “sacrifices” and his innocence. She is young, sweet and sans kids. She wasn’t laughing. “Do you really have a lot to do today? I just remember wanting to be with my mom when I was sick. It made me feel better.”
DANG! I shrunk into a pool of guilt. I am far from a GEM! I got a side of therapy I didn’t know I needed. I raced right home, calling off my meeting and all other important c-r-a-p. I was out of the zone and could see the real light at the end of the tunnel. How could I be so blind and not even “good enough”?
My little buddy was soo happy. We popped popcorn and made fizzy drinks, bubble water with a splash of OJ. We settled in for the rest of the afternoon with our GLEE-FILLED Fest. We discussed a lot of life lessons and stuff not to do in high school. It was probably like me watching the movie “Grease” in 7th grade, a lot of “material” I didn’t understand. My mom never watched it with me so a lot of stuff was left up to my all-knowing thirteen-year-old BFF.
At least for my buddy, I was sitting right next to him to answer all his questions or make sure he got the right message. We both enjoyed the afternoon, one that will stay with us more than completing a “to do” list. And the funny thing is, at my next beauty appointment, the gal wanted to know if I really went home to watch “Glee.” It was an important moment she didn’t forget either, good enough.
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Great blog and just what I needed today. Had a not so great mom moment this am.
Those days are hard and hard to admit. Lots of GEMS out there. Thanks for sharing.
What a GEM of a story. Love it….and for the record, there's nothing wrong with Just Good Enough every now and then.
You truly are a gem of a GEM! Loved hearing about this day in person, but loved reading about it on your new blog too! 🙂 Looking forward to seeing you tomorrow and what other kind of therapies we can accomplish!
Victoria
I thought I was a terrible mom because I kinda hoped my kids would get sick once in awhile so I could get out of anything I was supposed to do that day…Kidding. You rock, Francie
I loved this story.
Judi